


it's vodevil

by destraya



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Art Hoe Gerard, Avert your eyes, Emo Loser Frank, Frerard, I'm Sorry, M/M, Memes, Penises Involved, Uses of the Word 'Dank': 2, bullshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:27:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4635678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destraya/pseuds/destraya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College entry exams are really fucking hard and so is Gerard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's vodevil

**Author's Note:**

> the title is a dumb manson ref ok and the description is a reflection of my trash jokes 
> 
> i'm bad at this enjoy

The entire concept of college was daunting. Filling out forms, desperately trying to pass exams and writing essays just to learn about the thing you kind of maybe want to do with your life? Bullshit.

And that’s why Frank hadn’t thought about it. For nearly eighteen entire years the very prospect of tertiary education was locked away in the back of his miserable mind, and he had accidentally dropped the key down a pothole in the middle of a Jersey parking lot. He figured there was no getting it back.

So he played the guitar. He wasn’t fantastic at it; the goal wasn’t really to become Dez Cadena or whatever but he just wanted to be good enough to get by in a shitty nightclub band. No college necessary and zero need to pay attention in high school whatsoever. Except, his mother didn’t like that. So here he is. Rolling his eyes and knocking on a particularly shitty dorm room door.

“I’m coming!” Yells a voice. A little more high pitched than Frank had expected, but he guesses some guys just don’t… _Wait._

“I-I’m coming-g! Oh fuck yes, god! Yes! Fuck, ah,” the words travel through the crumbling doorframe with a few echoing furniture slams and _shit_ that’s Iero’s queue to go.

It’s someone else’s too. Just as Frank begins a frantic shuffle away in embarrassment, a dude in an unbuttoned, plaid monstrosity of a shirt walks out the door shamelessly holding a bottle of lube… And a loofah? _Okay, everyone has their kinks._

“Oh, hey man,” The guy acknowledges, scooting past in the most casual fucking way ever.

Is this what college is? _Nice._

“Come on in, kid!” Asshole McDoucherson shouts from inside the tiny excuse for a dorm. “And close the door after.”

Frank sighs. How is he supposed to react to what just happened? _Block that shit out, like most of his childhood?_

“Close the door?” He questions, retorting “You mean this rotting hunk of wood?”

“That’s no way to refer to your penis, _Frankie_.”

“Nice to see you too.”

Frank’s sort of surprised he’s never seen the inside of this guy’s place before. He’s been to his family’s house, given that he’s only met him through the friendship of his much _straighter_ younger brother. Who played bass with him sometimes, and was _straight_. If you don’t count Wentz at summer camp; incredibly _heterosexual_ and very, very _straight_.

Anyway, there’s a bunch of cool shit in the crappy little room. Band posters, art hoe aesthetic shit and… ‘90s horror pop vinyls? _Sweet._

“Can you stop eye-fucking my room please I don’t have all day.” Gerard groans, slipping on batman socks with one hand and buttoning up his jeans with another. A multitasker with a weird fucking sock obsession is his tutor and Frank is surprisingly cool with that.

“At least I was eye-fucking it quietly,” Frank smirks, suddenly way more comfortable with the fact that he just heard two guys bopping broomsticks through a broke ass door.

“Touché.”

“So are ya gonna show me how to not flunk this English thing or what?” Frank says, plonking down on Gerard’s bed before wondering with panic if any bodily fluids were still drying on his spot.

“First of all, that was grammatically the worst sentence I’ve heard today.” Gerard grins, swiping his hand through that extraordinarily obnoxious red hair of his. “And yes I’m going to help you because you’re a fuck up with dog named _Sweet Pea_ and a really persistent mum.”

“Hey I’m not a… Yeah, thanks dude.”

Gerard stands up. _Evil Dead_ shirt practically flying in the non-existent wind like he’s about to give a gigantic (bowel) moving speech. And _oh god he is_.

“The English entry exam. The easiest fucking thing in the world yet at this rate you’re going to fail by filling the page with Misfits lyrics and forgetting commas exist. Though I kind of hate your emo guts and don’t care at all, I won’t allow this to happen. Even if it’s just because Mikey gave me fifty bucks and I need a new vibrator.”

Frank is going to protest the insults but his mind drifts more to the vibrator thing. He wonders whether or not Hot Topic still sell the ten dollar pink ones and whether or not he should advise his tutor of this. Then he frowns because he is an emo loser and still shops at Hot Topic. And has a lot of knowledge about their sex toy stock. _Goddamn._

“There are five sections to the test. Writing, reading, grammar, punctuation and spelling. You have approximately none of these down.” Gerard continues, using a beat-up chair as a glorifying platform for his overly animated speech. Frank does not briefly look at his ass from the angle. Nope.

“Wait, how do they test you on reading shit?” Frank asks. Seriously, he doesn’t get it.

Gerard laughs. “Jesus Christ, kid, we’ll get to it!” Frank nods in reply.

“Alright. We’ll start with spelling since it’s the least important. Spell voyeuristic.”

_Did he notice the ass staring?_

“V-O-U-R-E-A-S-T-I-C.” Frank grins, thinking he’s right. _Fucking loser._

Gerard shakes his head disappointedly. “Nope. Okay I need a new teaching method. Back to basics.”

Less than twenty minutes later, Gerard has Frank in some kind of warrior studying pose, with his hands on his thighs and an enormous book held up tight between his knees. His eyes are going kind of fuzzy from all the reading but he thinks he’s getting the hang of it.

“I before E, except after C. _I before E, except after C_.” Now it’s a war chant and the enemy is every-fucking-exception-to-the-dumbass-rule.

“Good! Just remember this doesn’t apply to ‘science’, ‘height’ or ‘society’. And a hell of a lot of things but those ones probably won’t come up if your dank ass is lucky.” “As much as I don’t appreciate being treated like a middle-schooler, I think I got this. Thank you.” Frank says, tapping Way’s shoulder gratefully.

“You are literally a middle-schooler though. Your Tumblr is full of _frog memes_ and your theme has a bad GIF of Buffy Summers in it.” Gerard doesn’t care to mention the occasional stray Doge post he sees on there, but maybe that’s because he’s trying to ignore that Frank is living in 2013.

“That ‘frog meme’ is Pepe. I once photoshopped Marilyn Manson’s face onto him; it got like 43 notes and Mikey didn’t even like it on his sideblogs!” Gerard feels a deep agony inside him that only Frank’s memes could bring on.

“Frank. I mean this in the nicest possible way bro but you’re a crappy blogger and I hate you.”

Frank shrugs, “Same though.”

There’s a shitty silence in the room for a second so Frank decides to kill it with the thing currently on his mind. “Hey, I think I might be gay.”

Gerard snorts. “You just decide that now, pumpkin pie?”

Frank could punch the guy in the face. _What happened to LGBT+ community support and shit?_ “Fuck you, Mister Homo-from-the-Womb. Not everyone can come out in the third grade.”

It’s true. Dude was kind of a legend. Had three boyfriends before even getting to middle school and then at least twenty two confirmed others between then and now. All of them somehow equally hot, yet of different social status, cliché high school movie category and somehow, sexuality. He must have banged seven straight guys in one year.

“Mere mortals, no. Gerard Way, hell yeah.”

Frank sighs and rubs the spot above his eyebrow. “What am I supposed to do now though, like experiment or something?”

“Experiment? That’s a big word for you, honey! Did it hurt your tongue on the way out? Or did I really teach you that well?” Gerard is fucking grinning and he’s got a hand under his chin like an unusually gay Maybelline commercial.

“Fuck you.”

Gerard pokes Frank’s stomach. “If that’s what you think you gotta do!”

“Stop hitting on me you whore. I asked you for queer to maybe-probably queer advice and you’re making fun of me. ”

The dude is basically fuming. Whether it’s caused by his built-up gay denial, hatred for the smartass, red-haired insulting fucking sex god or… _Moderate sexual tension_ , he’s so mad he could like, rip a guy’s pants off, or whatever. No homo. He chews on his lip ring because he’s a noob and he’s avoiding checking Gerard out again.

“Call me a whore again, Iero and I’ll kick your ass.”

Frank decides to put on the hyper-manly demeanour he faked throughout the majority of high school to get through this. Moreover, he basically tries to no homo his way out of the situation.

“Kick my ass? That code for a gay thing, fa… Friend?”

Gerard rolls his eyes. “No… Well, depending on the… Yes.”

Wow, Gerard's eyelashes are really long. Frank wonders what else about Gerard is long. Then he quietly whispers ‘no homo’ to himself because he’s apparently now further in the closet than his old Totoro onesie, or like, Kristen Stewart. He assures himself that his mental comment was about Gerard’s knee-high Batman socks and not the male genitalia commonly known as the 'penis', or colloquially, ‘dick’. Because he doesn’t like that shit and that’s gross and gay. He likes the vagine. _More than life itself, yes._ Vagine is excellent stuff.

He remembers he hasn’t spoken yet. “Yikes.”

“Yikes?” Gerard asks. “Seriously?”

“Yikes.” Frank repeats, confident. “Yikearoonies, Batman!” Alright what the fuck.

“So are you gonna fucking suck my dick or are we getting back to work now?” Gerard quizzes impatiently. He’s tapping quickly on his iPhone screen and Frank isn’t sure which option he’s hoping for most.

Frank answers like the good, slightly less literate Catholic boy his mother would want him to be. “Work. English. Study things and stuff. Yep. No dick sucking, ‘cause that’s not right.”

“You literally just said you thought you were gay. You can’t go redneck fucknut on me now.” _True, but no homo._

Another sixty minutes later, Gerard has taken Gay Lord Dank Iero through the basics of punctuation without too many interruptions. The kid’s mastered the art of colons, ellipsis and… Not quite semicolons but Gerard says they won’t hurt him too much if he leaves them alone. He’s feeling productive as fuck until they move onto reading and he gets stuck.

“It’s not that fucking hard, dude. Just scan the text for the answer, or use the process of elimination or whatever your five year-old brain needs to answer this dumb standardised comprehension question, okay?” Gerard is just mad because he hasn’t had an orgasm in at least two hours, don’t blame him.

“I’m fucking trying, you cunt.” Frank groans, about ready to pull out Gerard’s mean fucking dick and suck it really meanly just to get _revenge. Actually that plan sounds sweet. Three cheers for that._

“Did I hurt your precious emo feelings? Are you gonna put on some more eyeliner now and then cry it all off? Play some Blink-182 ‘cause your dad Mark Hoppus just gets you?” Gerard is dead serious. And horny.

“Don’t pretend we don’t all remember your emo phase. Before you were an art hoe you were a sad, sad emo motherfucker,” Frank knows this argument is counterproductive but he realises he could probably get some photos from Mikey to use as blackmail if needed. _Nice._

“Okay true but I could totally sing like Corey Taylor back in the day.” Yikes.

Frank doesn’t have a response to that. He’s kind of too busy eyeing the green dildo he’s only just noticed is sitting on the cabinet in the corner. _That’s so fucking gay, dude._

“Get back to work, you asshole. I have better shit to do than this and you’re wasting my time.” Gerard snaps him out of the dildo-induced trance.

“Oh yeah, I’m the asshole.” Frank retorts. He would probably lick an asshole given the opportunity, so he questions the negativity of the word, but that’s gay so he needs to chill. _No fucking homo you gays._

“Do the questions, Frank.” Gerard is boiling mad. He would be such a bad teacher honestly.

“Make me.” Wow, much sexual tension. Such homo. Very suck dick now. Jesus Christ, Frank.

“Fine.” Gerard tosses the fucking book from Frank’s lap and moves to undo the fly of his emo black skinny jeans. “It’s on like Marilyn Mans- _on_.” That was so bad.

Frank is getting hard already and he curses under his breath. He can’t even laugh at Gerard’s bad pun because he’s too busy mentally coming out to himself. _Frank, you is gay._

His jeans come down eventually, despite how fucking tight they are because he’s an emo idiot and Gerard cups a hand around the front of his boxers. He moans something that’s less comprehendible than the reading questions from earlier and Gerard grins, taking the dumb tighty whities down Frank’s thighs with his goddamn motherfucking teeth which makes the guy practically whimper. He thinks Frank has a _cool_ _dick_.

Frank hasn’t jacked off in almost a week so his cock practically quivers at Gerard’s touch. Gerard always has really nice lips but right now they’re all pretty and red from the contact and Frank really wants to kiss them. No homo? So homo. _A novel by John Green._

A few long licks on the head of Frank’s dick and pre-cum is dripping into the college guy’s mouth like Niagara, except that’s a terrible fucking metaphor for this scene so Frank’s pre-cum is dripping into Gerard’s mouth like… Pre-cum.

“Fucking god,” Frank groans, knotting a tattooed hand in greasy red hair.

“No, you’re fucking Gerard Way, but I think close enough.” Frank would laugh, but he’s too busy fucking moaning because Gerard is really good at using his tongue. Not to mention his _teeth?_ Because oh god the way he’s dragging his lower jaw along the underside of Frank’s cock is going to make him come way quicker than he expected.

Unless of course Gerard is a vampire like everyone thought in sixth grade then… R.I.P. Frank Iero’s Holy Beloved Dick.

“Fuck, Gerard!” Frank yells, getting so close to orgasm that his thighs shake against Gerard.

The redhead hoe cups Frank’s balls and swirls his tongue around the tip, and in five seconds Iero comes harder than he has in his entire life. Gerard swallows every last drop and licks his lips, making Frank question, you know, life itself.

“Holy shit.” Frank breathes. “I’m gay, I’m so gay,”

Way places a few scattered kisses up Frank’s thighs and dick and says, “I know. _Jesus Christ_.”

Gerard sits up, proud enough of his work and Frank is so fucking ready to suck his dick.

“On your back.” Frank demands, flicking every single fucking paper off the bed and onto the floor. Gerard should be madder but he is such a bottom it isn’t even funny.

Frank decides he might as well take off his shirt at this point. Art hoe Gerard immediately checks out his chest tatts and sleeves, and he really, _really_ likes them.

“You look so fucking hot right now,” Frank growls, pulling Gerard’s shirt over his head. “Gerard I’m going to make you come so fucking hard…”

Gerard is so confused. A minute ago Frank Iero was whimpering his way through a blowjob and now what? That being said, any confusion is overcome by how fucking turned on he is.

“Call me Gee.” He requests. “Please,”

“Okay,” Frank grins, “I like it. It’s cute.”

He kisses Gee sweetly and smiles, just for a second, before biting down hard onto the older guy’s lower lip. It makes him moan and open his mouth wide, allowing Frank to slip his tongue inside as sneakily as possible. Gee is fucking moaning just like he was when Frank was getting his dick sucked and they’re only making out so far. He cannot wait to properly return the favour.

Frank swiftly moves his mouth across Gee’s jaw, down his neck and onto his chest, doing his very best to leave a hickey or two along the way. Gee may not really be his, but he sure as hell is for right now.

“Ah shit,” Gee mutters as Frank’s tongue grazes his nipples, licking and sucking, even biting on occasion until he’s almost fully hard against Frank.

“Want me to fuck you, Gee? Want me to make you come?” Frank kisses down Gee’s chest and slowly moves over his stomach and hips.

“Fuck yes, please, Frank,” Gee is writhing underneath Frank as he pulls the cheap jeans down to Gee’s ankles and throws them to the corner of the room.

The guy is wearing fucking _boyshorts_ and they’re fucking black with a white fucking bow and Frank thinks he might just lose his shit at this point.

Frank starts rubbing Gee through the underwear and he moans deeply from the back of his throat, firmly gripping the sheets. Frank kisses the inside of his thighs a couple times before pulling the pretty fucking underwear down them.

Without hesitation, Frank puts Gee’s cock in his mouth and begins to suck. Up and down he licks, paying attention to which area makes the man moan the loudest. His tongue keeps working the tip as his right hand reaches behind Gee’s balls and over his asshole. Gee gives him a desperate look as a finger lightly brushes over his prostate and begins rubbing it softly, causing Gerard to moan louder than ever.

“Fuck yes keep going oh, my, god, fuck!” Gee’s eyes are squeezed shut as he approaches his orgasm, hips involuntarily thrusting towards Frank’s pretty mouth.

“Come for me, Gee,” Frank urges, massaging his prostate harder.

“Fuck!” Gerard comes hard and fast into Frank’s mouth, voice shaky as he rides out the high.

There’s a moment of utter bliss in which Frank kisses Gee’s torso and smiles, hugging him as Gee runs his fingers through Frank’s hair.

Then Gerard smirks. “Do your fucking reading quiz and I’ll let you fuck me in the ass, alright?”

**Author's Note:**

> quick question why don't headbanging and facefucking mean the same thing i'm so--
> 
> i'm sorry about this fic i promise to never write again


End file.
